Kids Will Love Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen!
Posted on December 18, 2007
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Originally ran Dec. 2, 2005
What to do for Christmas. Not the same old video games again!
Moms! Dads! Kids will love Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™.
Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ lets your kids make rainbow pictures that glow in the dark! It’s the perfect Christmas gift.
Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ comes in red, crimson, scarlet and bright red.
Kids! It’s easy. Simply take Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ out of its package.
Grasp Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ in your writing hand.
Wrap Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen’s Grip-Tite™ holders around your hand. Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen’s needles will automatically pierce your flesh and begin siphoning blood.
The blood flows automatically into Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™. You can write on any surface, horizontal or vertical. Even upside down! Consult your physician.
Turn off the light, and Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen’s pictures glow in the dark!
That’s not all. Now, rub your Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ pictures with Nutty Chalk™. Nutty Chalk™ makes Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen’s pictures turn rainbow colors! Nutty Chalk™ is sold separately.
To remove Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™, simply apply Wacky Ointment™.
Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ is available at Wal-Mart, Target and Toys R Us for just $19.99. Act now during the Christmas season and receive one tube of Wacky Ointment™ for free. Warning: Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ may write messages that have to do with killing teachers or classmates. Also, children using Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ may draw pictures of Nazi stukas or panzerwerfer half-tracks with rocket launchers.
Card of the Week - Proteus Machine
Posted on December 17, 2007
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This week’s card is Proteus Machine. This card should see a lot of play now because it’s any creature type you want. Any!
Photochop - Monolith Rings
Posted on December 17, 2007
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Something Just Happened On Wizards.com, Brainburst Reports
Posted on December 17, 2007
Filed Under Articles, V. Wedge | 10 Comments
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — It was just announced Monday on Brainburst.com that an announcement was recently made on Wizards.com.
“We proudly announce that Wizards.com says ‘We proudly announce that Morningtide will be released in February,’” reads Brainburst’s latest news piece. “More news on this story as it develops on Wizards.com.”
Brainburst journalists described that they are “pleased to bring this important news to people who read Magic Web sites but not Wizards.com,” a segment of the population estimated to be as large as three people.
“Or sometimes people see an announcement on Wizards.com but then forget it so they need to read it a second time on our Web site,” said Brainburst site manager Tina Gaffney.
The full text of the article is available on Brainburst.com, and also on Wizards.com.
MiseTings Updates With Hilarious ‘Page Cannot Be Displayed’ Article
Posted on December 15, 2007
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BOSTON — After more than one year without an update, MiseTings.com, the beloved original Magic humor site, has returned with an all-new humor article.
Topical and salient, “The Page Cannot Be Displayed” marks the return of live, published humor pieces to the site that itself gave birth to The Magic Lampoon.
The article, which pokes fun at the way Magic players use computers, includes jokes such as “Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options,” and “Cannot find server.”
“Magic players are so hilarious in their idiosyncracies,” said MiseTings spokeswoman Tina Gaffney on Saturday. “We could make fun of them all day long,” she said.
Other favorite lines from the humor piece include “Some sites require 128-bit connection security,” and “If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.”
“My favorite line is ‘Click the Back button to try another link,’” Gaffney said.
Junior Physician Suggests Problem May Be Lupus
Posted on December 12, 2007
Filed Under Articles, Flashbacks, Staff | 2 Comments
Originally ran Dec. 19, 2006
BENALIA — A junior physician, a member of the diagnostic staff of the Order of the Samite, suggested Tuesday that a patient’s mysterious illness may in fact be lupus.
The physician was quickly rebuked by her superior, the order’s cantankerous master healer, who said Tuesday that the problem is definitely not lupus.
“It’s never lupus,” the master healer said.
“Check for pox. Also, run a scan for deathspores, engineered plagues and withering hexes,” he said.
“It could be cursed flesh,” another junior doctor suggested.
“Oh, that just figures, our resident enchantment expert assumes it’s cursed flesh,” the master healer said. “I suppose our ooze wrangler thinks it’s a consumptive goo,” he added.
When asked by the order administrator what he thought the problem might be, the master healer said that he was betting on an unstable mutation.
“But we took a family history and they said they had no mutations,” the junior physician protested.
“You think I believe them? They lied, of course,” the master healer said.
Iran’s President Says Obliterate A ‘Myth’
Posted on December 11, 2007
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Originally ran Dec. 16, 2005
TEHRAN, Iran — Hardline Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was condemned by several nations including Germany, Switzerland and Russia when he declared Friday that Obliterate was a “myth.”
“There is no such card,” Ahmadinejad said.
“The West would have you believe the myth you can tap eight mana, two of which is red, and destroy all artifacts, creatures and lands without regenerating them, and that this can’t be countered. This never happened,” he said.
“It is a Western mind trick,” he added.
Germany’s condemnation of Ahmadinejad’s comments was especially strong, with suggestions that Iran could face U.N. sanctions over additional comments the leader made about Israel.
Obliterate denial is a crime in Germany.
Some in the Bush administration called the move political posturing.
“He’s metagaming, is what he’s doing,” said White House spokeswoman Tina Gaffney. “He’s trying to get people to believe he’s into white supremacy, the wrath of God, Armageddon and all of that,” she said. “You watch. He’s probably planning to play Obliterate himself, in the near future.”
Photochop - Minamo Dolphins
Posted on December 10, 2007
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 6 Comments
Planeswalkers Vs. Plainswalkers
Posted on December 9, 2007
Filed Under Articles, V. Wedge, Contest Entries | 1 Comment
Planeswalkers vs. Plainswalkers
Five exist vs. Three exist
Funky new card frames vs. Funky old card frames
Mentioned on Tarmogoyf vs. Mentioned on a Homelands card
Hosed by Vindicate vs. Hosed by worst card of all time
Are legendary vs. Are in Legends
Ajani Goldmane has a huge axe vs. Zodiac Rooster is a huge cock
Have had a theme week vs. Due soon, most likely
Will appear in future sets vs. Very well might
Have feet in their text box vs. Are superior in this regard
Three abilities vs. One’s all they need, baby
Took months of design tweaks vs. It’s possible
Sounds like “plainswalkers” vs. IS “plainswalkers”
According to the flavor text on Planar Void: “Planeswalking isn’t about about walking. It’s about falling and screaming” vs. Is totally about walking
BONUS PLAINSWALKER TRIVIA:
- If you were to gather one of every plainswalker printed and put them end to end, they would reach almost 11 inches. There are three plainswalkers.
- The combined power of the three plainswalkers is 6, which is yours for the low, low price of 7WWWG.
- Wizards of the Coast recomissioned the artwork for Blinking Spirit’s reprint since the original led players to believe the creature had flying. For similar reasons, Mistmeadow Skulk’s reprint will have recomissioned art as well.
- The reminder text on the 9th Edition Mind Bend says that you may change “‘forestwalk’ to ‘plainswalk.’” In 10th Edition, they changed the reminder text to read “‘forestwalk’ to ‘islandwalk.’” This was a very purposeful change and likely reflected designers’ wishes not to tell new players the best possible use for Mind Bend.
- Game-finishing fatties have already been printed with trample, vigilance, flying, protection, haste, double strike, shroud, and indestructible; experts predict one with plainswalk as early as January 2012.
- The ratio of cards with plainswalk to cards that mention plainswalk is 3:3. The only lower ratio is that of Bands With Other, which stands at 0:8. No announcement has yet been made regarding Wizards’ plans to release a powerful group of cards that are homonymic with Bands With Other.
Card of the Week - Glory
Posted on December 9, 2007
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This week’s card is Glory. Most players are not prepared for this card despite being told to prepare for it.
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