Why Do People Think That I’m You?

Posted on August 23, 2010
Filed Under Articles, Staff | 12 Comments

Ajani Vengeant: You broke your promise.

Ajani Goldmane: Jesus, Vengeant.

Ajani Vengeant: You fucking talked to her about me.

Ajani Goldmane: What is going on here?

Ajani Vengeant: I ask you for one thing. One simple thing.

Ajani Goldmane: Why do people think that I’m you?

Ajani Vengeant: …

Ajani Goldmane: Answer me!

Ajani Vengeant: … sit.

Ajani Goldmane: (sits) Answer me. Why do people think that I’m you?

Ajani Vengeant: I think you know.

Ajani Goldmane: No, I don’t.

Ajani Vengeant: Yes you do. Why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?

Ajani Goldmane: I … I don’t know.

Ajani Vengeant: …

Ajani Goldmane: (Realizing)

Ajani Vengeant: You got it.

Ajani Goldmane: No.

Ajani Vengeant: Say it.

Ajani Goldmane: Because …

Ajani Vengeant: Say it.

Ajani Goldmane: … Because we’re the same person?

Ajani Vengeant: That’s right.

Ajani Goldmane: I don’t understand this.

Ajani Vengeant: You were looking for a way to change your life. You could not do this on your own. All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look like you want to look, I fuck like you want to fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I’m free in all the ways that you are not.

Ajani Goldmane: No. This isn’t possible. This is crazy.

Ajani Vengeant: People do it every day. They talk to themselves, and they see themselves as they’d like to be. They don’t have the courage that you have, to just run with it. Naturally you’re still wrestling with it, so, sometimes you’re still you. Other times, you imagine yourself watching me. Little by little, you’re just letting yourself become … Ajani Vengeant.

Ajani Goldmane: No. You have a lair.

Ajani Vengeant: Decorated with your trophies.

Ajani Goldmane: You have battles, you have a whole life.

Ajani Vengeant: You have night battles because you can’t sleep. Where you stay up making spears.

Ajani Goldmane: Liliana. You’re fucking Liliana, Vengeant.

Ajani Vengeant: Technically … you’re fucking Liliana. But it’s all the same to her.

Ajani Goldmane: Oh my god.

Ajani Vengeant: Now you see our dilemma. She knows too much. I think we’re going to have to talk about how this might compromise our goals.

Ajani Goldmane: What, what are you saying? This is bullshit. I’m not listening to this, you’re insane!

Ajani Vengeant: No, you’re insane. And we simply do not have time for this crap.

Ajani Goldmane: (Passes out)

- Aug. 30, 2009

The Slearch Face

Posted on August 20, 2010
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 4 Comments

On Good Gamery’s message board, where people discuss Magic, among other things, there is a meme involving this image:

… the avatar of a user named Slearch.

The idea, and we’re sure you’ve seen these sorts of memes before, is to chop the image into as many funny things as possible.

Card Of The Week – Mox Pearl

Posted on August 18, 2010
Filed Under Card of the Week | 7 Comments

This week’s card is Mox Pearl. If you think about it, Moxen are like the ultimate mythics. Or the other way around. Jace, the Mind Sculptor is like a mox planeswalker.

Longtime Companion Speaks Warmly About Fallen Planeswalker

Posted on August 16, 2010
Filed Under Articles, Staff | 4 Comments

JAMURAA, Dominaria – The longtime companion of Garruk Wildspeaker, an unnamed beast, gave a moving eulogy for the fallen planeswalker during his funeral deep in the forest here Monday.

The beast praised the life of Garruk, and said that there was a side to the planeswalker that most people didn’t get to see.

“All of you here know Garruk as a rough and tumble hero. But he had a tender and compassionate side,” the beast said Monday morning. “And I count myself incredibly fortunate that I got to experience it,” it said.

“Garruk could care for others, deeply, and give his heart in more ways than you could know,” the animal said.

The beast said that Garruk had spoken often of his wishes for all the creatures of all the planes.

“We are here, on these earths, for only a short time,” the beast said. “We should use that time to love each other,” it said.

“That’s what Garruk would have wanted,” the animal said.

Photochop – Poison

Posted on August 13, 2010
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 8 Comments

Rosewater: _______ To Change Everything

Posted on August 12, 2010
Filed Under Articles, Flashbacks, Staff | 8 Comments

RENTON, Wash. — Head Magic: The Gathering designer Mark Rosewater announced Saturday that players had better “hold onto their hats,” because the forthcoming Magic: The Gathering set _______ would change everything.

“Ice Age marked a new beginning for Magic: The Gathering. Tempest marked a new beginning. Invasion marked a new beginning. Mirrodin marked a new beginning. And, Ravnica marked a new beginning,” Rosewater said Saturday.

“However, _______ will amaze players for years to come, because it will mark a completely new beginning for Magic: The Gathering,” he said.

“We’ve never done anything like _______ before,” he said. “_______ is completely changing the way we design sets, the way we think of sets, and even the way we spell ’sets,’ ” he said.

“S-E-T-Z,” Rosewater said.

Rosewater said that among his priorities at Wizards are to “revolutionize Magic,” “change the way players think about what a Magic card can do” and “break the rules.”

“Not only will _______ break the rules, _______ throws the rules right out the window,” Rosewater said. “Good-bye, rules!” he added.

“With _______, we’re finding ways to chart entirely new territories, embracing the tools of the past all the while,” Rosewater said. “We’re setting new goals and continuing with our goals from before. It’s a whole new beginning and a whole new world when _______ comes out,” he said.

_______ releases in October of 20__.

- Aug. 26, 2006