Sorry, I Have To Go Help Some Douche

By Ajani Goldmane

Yeah? Oh yeah? And then what happened? Oh wow! That’s insane! No way! And then what’d he do? You’re kidding! With the g– oh, wait, hold on a second. I think somebody just spent four mana for me somewhere. I’m sorry, I have to get out of here. I need to go help out this douche.
Yes, I know we’re in the middle of a [...]

Planeswalker Hangs Whittled Log From Tree

ZENDIKAR — Although Garruk Wildspeaker is able to traverse entire planes and commands a vast array of magical spells, he spent most of yesterday afternoon hiding in the jungles of Zendikar whittling one end of a large log into a point and then hanging it from a tree.
Garruk told reporters, “My enemy is stealthier and [...]

Photochop – The Latest Keyword

News In Brief

Rosewater Creates Tension Bridge, Thousands Die
Citing his love for tension in card design, head designer Mark Rosewater transfered that love last Thursday into the field of engineering and built a tension bridge. Mere hours after its completion, it collapsed, killing not only its passengers but also many residents of the town below. “If [...]

Standoff In Honolulu

The big story of the Honolulu Pro Tour wasn’t Kazuya Mitamura’s $40,000 victory in the finals. The big story happened in the first round, where a young boy known only as Hans did something that is causing many to call him a hero.
Hans’s game was looking unwinnable. He had a negative life total [...]

Facts Of Magic

As revealed in a recent Mark Rosewater article, Magic designers often perform real world research to inspire card design. We spent several weeks poring through the Encyclopædia Britannica for items that may have inspired certain existing Magic cards, and we found the following.
“Mold is able to creep fast enough to destroy moving vehicles and [...]

The Pendulum Is About To Swing

By Mark Rosewater
Special to The Magic Lampoon
You’ve probably heard by now how we’re simplifying the templating in Magic 2010. Well you know how WotC works — as soon as we do one thing, we spend the next block doing the opposite. And guess what, Magic players: the pendulum is about to swing!
In the [...]

Photochop – The Battlefield

Photochop – Enough Already

May 2009 Update Bulletin

Mark L. Gottlieb
Special to The Magic Lampoon
The team and I realized that last month’s Oracle update held a few key omissions. We apologize for our oversights and wish to correct them with the following additions.
Functional Changes
First up is Lightning Bolt, which will now deal two damage instead of three. It’s not that we’ve changed our [...]

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