Scientists Warn Of Global Darkening

 The effects of global darkening can be seen by comparing an island one year ago, left, with an island from the present day.
Originally ran Oct. 6, 2006
Recent light trends have lent more evidence to the theory of global darkening, a theory that suggests that the spectral lightcaps are eroding, which could cause the end of […]

Terrorist Threatens Creatures, Faces

By May Contain Peanuts
RENTON, Wash. — In tapes released Thursday, a leader of a terrorist organization declares that America’s creatures and faces are not safe.
Claiming to be the “king” of terrorist organization “Your Mom,” the individual on the tape threatens to use the organization’s burn deck to attack America, America’s creatures and the faces of Americans.
The […]

Operation: Humiliate Players Enters Fifth Groundbreaking Year

RENTON, Wash. — Seeking to challenge itself after creating Pro Player cards, Operation: Humiliate Players said Thursday its new flash advertisement is the next big thing in embarrassing Magic players.
A new advertisement features a young man who is “king of your mom” and who likes “hanging out with [his] friends, just not at [his] house.”
These and other lines […]

Aether Vial Scientifically Proven To Produce 17 Mana

Originally ran Sept. 16, 2005
RENTON, Wash. — In a study two years in the making, Wizards of the Coast has scientifically proven that Aether Vial is exactly equivalent to a “super Dark Ritual” that produces 17 mana, according to officials.
“It was a lot of work, but it was worth it,” said Wizards of the Coast […]