Manson: Vote For Me For Invitational

Originally ran on MiseTings, Sept. 4, 2002
CORCORAN STATE PRISON, Calif. — Promising plenty of “mischievous, irreverent antics” were he to win, incarcerated serial murderer Charles Manson made an appeal to the Magic community and began asking Wednesday if people would please vote for him to participate in the Magic Invitational tournament this year.
“I’m the bad […]

Pakistan Adds 21 Red Mana To Mana Pool

Originally ran on MiseTings, June 7, 2002 
ISLAMABAD/NEW DELHI — Despite official claims that the action is not a threat, tensions escalated Friday in the territory of Kashmir when Pakistan tapped the entire Hindu Kush mountain range and added 21 red mana to its mana pool.
“We’re not up to anything, I promise,” said Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf. “Don’t […]

Ancient (Mono) Artifact Fetches 2000000 Space-Tix At Auction

Originally ran Dec. 26, 2005
Wrgl Tarkon-Fuentes, Newgarfieldtownshire, November 80th, 80085 VD
The FindMagicCards.com Building was abuzz yesterday regarding the incredible price fetched by the extremely rare nondigital card “The Black Lotus.”  The Sons of Buehler Clan auctioned their legendary “The Black Lotus” to the Lapmasters of Long Clan for an unprecedented 2000000 space-tix. This huge space-tix […]

People Have Forgotten The True Spirit Of The Festival Of The Guildpact

Originally ran Dec. 25, 2006
As you begin to celebrate the Festival of the Guildpact today, you should take a moment to think about the true meaning of this wonderful holiday.
The Festival of the Guildpact is about much more than attacking your foes with ancient terrors that you’ve brought forth from another time. It’s about more […]

Kids Will Love Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen!

Originally ran Dec. 2, 2005
What to do for Christmas. Not the same old video games again!
Moms! Dads! Kids will love Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™.
Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ lets your kids make rainbow pictures that glow in the dark! It’s the perfect Christmas gift.
Wacky Magic Eyeball Pen™ comes in red, crimson, scarlet and bright red.
Kids! It’s […]

Junior Physician Suggests Problem May Be Lupus

 
 
 
 
Originally ran Dec. 19, 2006
BENALIA — A junior physician, a member of the diagnostic staff of the Order of the Samite, suggested Tuesday that a patient’s mysterious illness may in fact be lupus.
The physician was quickly rebuked by her superior, the order’s cantankerous master healer, who said Tuesday that the problem is definitely not lupus.
“It’s […]

Iran’s President Says Obliterate A ‘Myth’

Originally ran Dec. 16, 2005
TEHRAN, Iran — Hardline Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was condemned by several nations including Germany, Switzerland and Russia when he declared Friday that Obliterate was a “myth.”
“There is no such card,” Ahmadinejad said.
“The West would have you believe the myth you can tap eight mana, two of which is red, and […]

Just Summon Neo-Bahamut To Defeat Final Bosses At Worlds

Originally ran Dec. 9, 2006
Hi! World Champion Makihito Mihara here with some strategy tips for getting past those final bosses in Worlds 2006!
The second-to-last boss, Final Form Gabriel, is really tough. This boss is difficult because it can cast Cure, Cura and Curaga on itself over and over. Even if you take away nearly all […]

Rosewater Allegedly Sent To HR For Creating Tension In Workplace

Originally ran Dec. 26, 2005
RENTON, Wash. — Insiders at Wizards of the Coast said Monday that Magic: The Gathering design leader Mark Rosewater was recently sent to the company’s human resources department for “creating tension.”
The move may represent disciplinary action, said the insiders, who asked to remain nameless.
“You know, things are bad enough around here […]

Complete Spoiler Flashback Bonanza

Over the years, we’ve had some incredible spoiler information in advance of Magic sets being released.
Here is a roundup of spoilers that we’ve featured on The Magic Lampoon! Check them out.
Lorwyn spoiler
Future Sight spoiler
Planar Chaos spoiler
Time Spiral spoiler
Coldsnap spoiler
Dissension spoiler
Guildpact spoiler
Ravnica spoiler
Saviors of Kamigawa spoiler

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