Dreams Of A Black Knight

By The Black Knight
The day will come.
A day of honor; and glory; and destiny.
The day I meet my foe on the field of battle.
He has eluded me. Where I have searched for him, he has not been found. Where I have pursued him, he has vanished. Where I have sought to block him, he has [...]

China Adds Angels, Ghosts, Weapons, Zombies, Animals, Foreigners And Meteors To List Of Images Not Allowed On Magic: The Gathering Cards

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BEIJING — The government here announced Wednesday that along with prohibited depictions of skeletons and human bones, angels, ghosts, weapons, zombies, animals, foreigners and meteors would no longer be allowed on Magic: The Gathering cards sold within China.
The list of prohibited images would also include comets, according to a government offical.
“We have not had [...]

Frat Boys Put Crap On Ayesha’s Face While She’s Asleep

PHILADELPHIA — Those frat boys who are always yelling “Whoo” and stuff announced in a news conference that they put a bunch of crap on Ayesha’s face when she fell asleep at a party at their frat late Monday night.
The leader of the frat boys, a kid who always wears a baseball cap named Curt [...]

A Brief Future History Of Magic

Destroy target creature.
Regenerate target creature.
Destroy target creature. It can’t be regenerated.
Target creature is indestructible. (”Destroy” effects and lethal damage don’t destroy it.)
Target creature can’t be indestructible.
Target creature can’t be prevented from being indestructible.
Spells and abilities can’t stop target creature from being prevented from being indestructible.
Players can’t play spells or abilities that would prevent the stopping [...]

Rise Of The Eldrazi Expansion Symbol Says That You Have A Crush On Jenny

ZENDIKAR — Brief humiliation coupled with thrill and excitement were the emotions you felt Monday afternoon as the Rise of the Eldrazi expansion symbol correctly identified that you have a crush on Jenny.
Predicting future events on the playground before a live audience, the expansion symbol went on to say that before the week is out, [...]

‘Dragons Is So Stupid’ Proclaims Irate Magic Player

WEST OF THE PECOS — An irate Magic: The Gathering player proclaimed that “Dragons is so stupid!” after drafting a Teneb the Harvester during an eight-man Monday.
The player, who called himself “Time Spiral Sam” and said he was the “roughenest, toughest Magic player this side of the tundra,” was unable to produce the necessary green, [...]

Wizards Realizes That Any Color Can Be Justified As Doing Anything: Part 2

Editor’s note — Our article ‘Wizards Realizes That Any Color Can Be Justified As Doing Anything‘ received a lot more reader comments than most of our articles, with a lot of people (a lot of them from GoodGamery) writing bits to add to the original article! We’ve taken some of these comments, edited them a [...]

Flores Loves You

A devoted follower announced Friday that famed Magic: the Gathering player Mike Flores, widely regarded as an expert at the game, loves you and that he has a plan for you.
“Did you know that Flores is the door and the way?” said devotee Minnie Taylor.
“He has a plan for you. But it’s up to you [...]

Cows Ask Restaurantgoers To ‘Eat Mor Chiken,’ ‘Thro Less Bumerangs’

COLLEGE PARK, Ga. — Local cows here have embarked on a campaign, placing signs, waving banners and distributing fliers asking restaurantgoers to “Eat mor chiken” and “Thro less bumerangs.”
The signs and banners, say analysts, are designed to protect the cows both from being made into hamburger and being decapitated by razor-sharp, flying boomerangs.
“These gentle creatures, [...]

Wizards Realizes That Any Color Can Be Justified As Doing Anything

RENTON, Wash. — Wizards of the Coast announced Friday that it has realized that any color of Magic can be justified as being able to do anything.
“Direct damage, for example, can be red because of fire or lightning,” said Matt Cavotta, writing for Wizards of the Coast. “Direct damage can also be black, representing vampiric [...]

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