Oh, Kids, Don’t Look
Posted on February 2, 2010
Filed Under Articles, Staff | 3 Comments
Welcome to Dominaria Jungle Tours!
Please keep your hands and heads inside the vehicle, folks! We wouldn’t want anyone losing anything out here. And be advised, if you use flash photography, you might scare the wonderful jungle animals away! So folks, try not to use flash photography.
Alright, folks, just up ahead, we should be entering the monkey and ape area! Here there are plenty of wonderful animals, and if we’re lucky, some of them just might do some tricks for us. Oh, look, over to the right here comes a wonderful jungle denizen, an orangutan! This is a beautiful specimen. He’s jumping from tree to tree, and he …
Oh, kids, don’t look.
Er, I mean, sometimes the monkeys like to climb over each other! Ha, yeah, that monkey is trying to climb over that other monkey.
Um, but over there, there goes our orangutan friend! Over there! Look at him go, kids.
No, those monkeys are fine, they’re … playing, sweetie. They’re playing a game.
OK! We’re going to move on now!
Up next, you’ll see that we’re about to enter cyclops country! Don’t worry, folks, these cyclopes, as they’re called, are completely friendly.
As we come around the bend, if you look out to your left, you’ll see several of the cyclopes. They often dance for the tour! If we’re lucky, folks, maybe we’ll see the chieftain with his beautiful headdress.
Uh –
Oh, kids, don’t look.
Er, no, I don’t know why the cyclopes have decided not to wear their clothes today!
I mean, uh, it’s bath time! It must be bath time for the cyclopes. That’s what they’re doing, kids, they’re getting ready for their bath.
OK? Let’s just, uh, let’s just look over here to the right at these wonderful trees! Aren’t those trees gorgeous, folks?
We’re leaving cyclops country now.
Up next, we should be passing through the faerie village. The happy and mischievous faeries often like to tease the tour as it goes by! But don’t worry, folks. They don’t mean any harm.
We should be seeing some faeries soon. They love to laugh and play and often fly in wonderful circles! Perhaps we’ll get to see —
Oh, good lord.
Uh, it looks like the faeries have decided to play some kind of adult game, folks.
Maybe you want to — that’s right, maybe you just want to cover up your little one’s eyes there. That’s right, kids! Don’t look, because — there’s going to be a surprise! That’s it. Just keep your eyes closed!
Sorry about that, folks, I — whoa.
OK.
Now I’m not going to look, ha ha.
Oh, boy. Yeah, we’ll just — we’ll be out of here in just a second.
That’s it. OK, folks. We’ve left the faerie village behind! Everything’s OK now.
Up next, we should be passing by the famous Sivitri Scarzam’s cave.
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Sex monkeys!
MANY PHALLIC REFERENCES!!
Bondage!!!
Ekundu Cyclops is MESSED. UP. You can spend days counting the various phalluses in that art. Robert Bliss is such a creeper…
Wonderful!
“You can spend days counting the various phalluses in that art.”
um…