Seattle Tournament Report
Posted on June 28, 2009
Filed Under Articles, Energizer, Flashbacks | 4 Comments
So at this game store in Seattle they sometimes run non-sanctioned tournaments, so that people who work at Wizards of the Coast can play in them. I played in one a while back and kept notes for writing up a tournament report. My plan was to do well, and then write up a report about how well I did. I didn’t do so well, but I figured, why should it always be the winners that write the reports? It can be cool reading about a loser too. So anyway here’s my report.
Since the tournament wasn’t sanctioned, they ran some wacky format. I don’t really remember what it was. I don’t have my decklist either. It wasn’t a great deck so who cares anyway. I did keep notes on all the matches. Here goes.
Round 1: Juan
Juan doesn’t speak English well, so I never really get to know him.
Game 1: He busts out a first turn Mana Clash, which does 2 to him. Then he plays Orcish Captain and Mijae Djinn. I get out some guys, and he whiffs on Puppet’s Verdict and two tries of Crooked Scales, so I run him over.
Game 2: I had tested this match-up, and found it to be about 50-50, but really he never had a chance. He dies to damage from his own Mana Crypt and a Bottle of Suleiman that blew up on him.
1-0
Round 2: Alex
Alex is a local; we play all the time.
Game 1: He casts Visions and makes me shuffle. Then he sits for a while playing lands. He gets out Onslaught, but never uses it. I play a creature, but he puts Torment on it. Eventually I get out a couple more creatures, and he plays Apocalypse, leaving nothing in play. I’m thinking it looks bad for me, but I end up running him out of cards — he’d drawn an extra card from casting Prophecy.
Game 2: I get in some early beats with a Windseeker Centaur, and then trade it for his Zodiac Rooster. He plays some fliers, which I clear out with a blue Hurricane, and I drop a hairy Runesword. He plays a Shichifukujin Dragon, which is looking scary, but I luck out and hit “dragons” with my Aswan Jaguar. He plays a Homarid Leper to block with, and backs it up with Painful Hedgehog. We stare at each other for a few turns, until he plays the Mishra Vanguard card, which looks like game. But again I luck out, topdecking a Legends rules card for the win.
2-0
Round 3: Mark Rosewater
Finally, I get to play an R&D guy. Mark is really friendly and chatty. He tells me all these stories while we’re playing. Stuff like, “In playtest we called this Fat Elf,” or “My father designed this card.” Plus he plays quickly. A class act all the way.
Game 1: The game quickly gets really complicated. Then one turn he draws his card, and smiles like he’s figured something out. He even shows me the card — it’s a Telethopter. He beats me that turn, with the Telethopter playing a crucial role, even though I have out 3 blockers and an Ensnaring Bridge, and am at 29 life, and all he has is Xenic Poltergeist, Tawnos’s Coffin, Sorceress Queen, Dwarven Thaumaturgist, Serrated Arrows, Thran Forge, Puppet Strings, and Chandler.
Game 2: I’m manascrewed. Mark Donates Conspiracy to me, naming Walls. He plays a Ghazban Ogre which I get due to some pain land damage he’s taken, and he triple Creature Bonds it. He attacks me with Llanowar Elves and uses False Orders to make me block it with the Ghazban Ogre. He casts Righteousness on the Ogre, and plays Tunnel for the win.
2-1
Round 4: Sam
A stranger. He seems friendly enough, until I ask for some of his Pringles. I resolve to totally rules-lawyer him, but his play is flawless.
Game 1: I get out a quick Wall of Wood, but he starts flying over with Whippoorwill. Then I get Maze of Ith, which stops it cold, but he plays a Serra Angel, which I can’t do anything about. I’m forced to Wrath, leaving nothing in play but my Black Knight. He Terrors the Knight (using Sleight of Mind to make it “non-white”) and then Armageddons. We rebuild. Finally the crucial turn comes when he attacks with Evil Eye of Orms-by-Gore, Akron Legionnaire, and Carnivorous Plant. I block the Evil Eye with Ball Lightning, chump the Legionnaire with a Peacekeeper, and double-block the Carnivorous Plant with two Ascendant Evincars. He has no further plays, and on my turn I attack back with the guy on Adarkar Wastes, and have Giant Growth and Berserk for the win.
Game 2: We both have creature-light draws, and it’s several turns before anything happens. Finally he gets out two Howling Mines and two Chains of Mephistopheles, and soon it’s pretty obvious that we’re going to run out of time before either of us figures out what’s supposed to happen. So I call a judge. The judge tries to explain it to us, and it just isn’t getting through. Another judge comes over, but he doesn’t explain anything, he just watches the first judge, all squinty-eyed. Finally the second judge calls the head judge over, and the head judge gives the first judge a warning for stalling. The first judge tries to explain things faster, but it’s no use, neither of us can understand him. Finally the head judge DQ’s him. Then the judges all walk away. I try to call another judge, but they know better, and pretend they can’t see me. We run out of time.
Sam really wants the win, and offers me $10 to concede. I demand $20 not to report him, and he demands $50 not to report me. I concede and still end up $20 down on the whole deal.
2-2
Round 5: Chip
A pro. He wins all the local tournaments, and will probably win this one. He presents his deck, and I cut my thumb on the metal sleeves while trying to shuffle it. Not a good sign.
Game 1: He plays some walls and some face down cards. I figure he’s got some kind of wall / morph theme. Then I realize it’s a Netrunner deck. I have no way to stop him from scoring agendas, and he wins quickly.
Game 2: See game 1.
2-3
So I have some time, so I go over to where Richard Garfield is playing, and watch his game. There’s a creature stall and not much is happening. Then Richard casts Splendid Genesis, and says I have to join the game. WTF? I read the card and sit down. He deals me out a deck and I start trying to figure it out. The deck is pretty defensive, and doesn’t give me a lot of options. I do what I can. Meanwhile Richard keeps using Glasses of Urza on me every turn when I draw my card. Finally the moment he’s been waiting for comes. I draw some weird card and reveal my hand, and he immediately plays Word of Command and makes me cast it. It’s Proposal. At first I think he’s going to make me propose to him, which just isn’t going to happen. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment, and anyway he’s already married. But then I read it closer — it says “Richard” and “Lily” right on it. And sure enough, his wife is standing there watching, and he turns to her and proposes. I guess it’s some kind of renewing of vows deal. She accepts of course, and, well, the game is bogging down. I start complaining, and then the other guy tells me that this is all happening inside a Shahrazad subgame. Since I’m not even playing in the main game, I can’t possibly win or lose. So I leave.
Round 6: Gene
This guy is a real wacko. He pile-shuffles into 4 piles, and I try to explain to him that that’s a bad number of piles for pile-shuffling. Man does he jump down my throat.
Game 1: Gene mulligans down to 4 cards but still comes out strong. He Lightning Blasts my only guy, and beats me up with Icatian Town tokens and a Two-headed Giant of Foriys.
Game 2: He takes a while shuffling, and I idly ask what time it is. He has on 4 wristwatches, so I’m thinking, what. But man is that the wrong question to ask. He starts yelling about the four corners of the earth and how I’m educated stupid four ways from Thursday. I’m so rattled I don’t write down what happens in the rest of the match. All my notes say is that Gene simultaneously won, lost, drew, and was DQ’d.
2-3-?
Round 7: Joe
Wouldn’t you know it, the friend I came with. Joe and I go way back. We grew up together. We went to the same school; we had a crush on the same girl. We served in Iraq together. He even saved my life once.
Joe wants to draw. He only needs 1 point and he’s in the top 8. He was paired way down; I’m utterly out of contention at this point. But I came to play.
Game 1: I get the first turn Black Lotus / Channel / Fireball.
Game 2: Joe’s manascrewed and only manages to get out an Ornithopter. I Strip Mine his only land, and then do all 20 damage to him with a single Warp Artifact.
3-3-?
Joe and I stayed to watch the finals. It came down to Chip and Mark Rosewater, and Mark actually beat the Netrunner deck. I don’t remember how exactly, but I know it involved Pox and Invisibility.
So there you have it. I didn’t do so well, but it wasn’t sanctioned, so whatever. I wouldn’t play that deck again. Next tournament I go to, I’m gonna net-deck, like the pros; I’m trying to get Chip to trade me some of the cards.
- June 12, 2005
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4 Responses to “Seattle Tournament Report”
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Nice article is nice. *thumbs up*
Easily among my all time favorites :D
Hilarious! Well done!
“Finally he gets out two Howling Mines and two Chains of Mephistopheles, and soon it’s pretty obvious that we’re going to run out of time before either of us figures out what’s supposed to happen.”
Pure win! lol!
GAme against sam: priceless. :XD