The Pendulum Is About To Swing

Posted on June 25, 2009
Filed Under Articles, V. Wedge | 2 Comments

By Mark Rosewater

Special to The Magic Lampoon

You’ve probably heard by now how we’re simplifying the templating in Magic 2010. Well you know how WotC works — as soon as we do one thing, we spend the next block doing the opposite. And guess what, Magic players: the pendulum is about to swing!

In the Zendikar block, right after Magic 2010 comes out, we are going to use the most contrived and counterintuitive circumlocutions we can think of. Just have a look at Zendikar’s Shock reprint:

Shock
R
Instant
You, to a creature, may deal damage, of an amount equal to two, or, in that choice’s stead, may the like deal, to a player, it.

And here’s the Royal Assassin reprint:

Royal Assassin
1BB
Creature – Human Assassin
Should there be such a time in which a creature finds itself prostrate ‘cross the battlefield, rather than that most upright position into which he formerly appeared, a creature other than this one, a creature which does not, to spite this ability, abandon its state of prostration, a creature by whom shroud is not an ability possessed, nor with whom such a case should exist in which a relevant protection ability should be the cause of the preclusion of this very ability you have now been spending several minutes parsing, then the likewise horizontal alignment of this creature may, should it not be sick with summoning still, i.e. at the time of this selfsame ability’s consideration, be the cause of that creature in question to be destroyed.
1/1

I know what you’re all thinking: “How come you guys are so smart?” and “What about the planeswalkers?” (Interestingly, those are what I imagine our most commonly received questions to be no matter what topic I’m discussing.) Well, the answers are “because we’re not just smart we’re geniuses, especially me” and “from now on they will be printed on 8×10 glossies to make room for all of their text, and if you want to fit them into a regular card sleeve you will have to fold them a couple of times.”

Changing topics, I don’t usually spoil gimmicks this far in advance, but you are also probably wondering what we’re going to do with the second and third sets of the Zendikar block to distinguish them from the first. The answer is that, in the second set, instead of circumlocutions, we’ll be using Shakespearean templating:

Giant Growth
G
Instant
‘Sblood, target creature’s reformation, glitt’ring o’er its fault, / Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes, / Than that which hath no foil to set it off. / It shall so offend to make offense a skill, / Redeeming +3/+3 when men least think it will.

And in the third set, we’ll be going all the way back to Middle English:

Ophidian
2U
Creature – Snake
Syððan wæs geworden þæt he ferde þurh þa ceastre and þæt castel: godes rice prediciende and bodiende. and hi twelfe mid. And sume wif þe wæron gehælede of awyrgdum gastum: and untrumnessum.
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Join me next week, when I use some analogies to describe things.

Mark Rosewater is employed by Wizards of the Coast.

Comments

2 Responses to “The Pendulum Is About To Swing”

  1. RelentlessPoker on June 26th, 2009 1:31 pm

    In Soviet Zendikar, Shock doesn’t deal damage, you deal damage. Apparently.

    Nonetheless, very nice article. Would read again. :)

  2. Car-o-phage on November 30th, 2009 7:16 pm

    The Holy Hand Grenade was here… for the best of consequences I see – 5 stars!

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