Battle Lost Because Goblin Can’t Play ‘Tom Sawyer’ On Expert

Posted on November 26, 2007
Filed Under Articles, Staff |

War-Cadence.gifMERCADIA — A local kyren war drummer responded sharply to critics Monday after he was publicly accused of losing an important battle against the rebels because he could not play “Tom Sawyer” on expert.

The drummer, a kyren named Wortgar, was assigned to play the famous war cadence while Mercadian troops rooted out rebels near Rishada on Sunday. 

“You know what I would appreciate?” Wortgar asked reporters Monday. 

“Do you think maybe I’d appreciate it if the masterminds behind this battle plan didn’t decide that the entire thing depends on me suddenly being able to be Neil f___ing Peart?” he asked.

Experts said that rebels would not have been able to block Mercaidan forces if Wortgar had been able to play the song. The magical war cadence inhibits opposing forces based on the drummer’s ability.

“Do you think they listened to me when I said that we should play ‘My Sharona’ instead?” Wortgar asked reporters.

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