Mark Rosewater Fixes Magic Lampoon By Assigning Jokes To Color Pie

Posted on November 1, 2007
Filed Under Articles, The Previous Poster |

Mark Rosewater.jpg

RENTON, Wash. — In a surprise announcement, Mark Rosewater announced Thursday that he would be quitting his current position at Wizards of the Coast to move to a new creative position at The Magic Lampoon.

Rosewater said he planned to shake things up at the Lampoon by assigning jokes to the color pie.

“Their main problem? Not enough constraints. Constraints breed creativity, people,” Rosewater told reporters Thursday. “The first thing I’m going to do is, I’m going to make everyone adhere to the Joke Pie. See, you can divide all jokes according to this pie, and color-code them,” he said.

“See, you’ve got your five basic colours, and they all have specialties, right? Blue jokes, they’re all about being a smartass, making jokes that go over people’s heads, and getting punched in the face and having your lunch money stolen. But it’s OK because you’re still smarter,” Rosewater said.

“White is all about being conformist and boring and white. So you’ve got your knock-knock jokes, your elephant jokes and your racist jokes,” Rosewater said. 

“White jokes will often gain you life, or get you a promotion if you laugh at one made by your boss,” he said.

“Green, it’s all about animals and nature and being stupid. So there you’ve got your lolcats, loldogs, lolruses and so on,” he said.

“Red jokes, they’re all about being emotional and wacky and random, like goblins with buckets on their heads,” Rosewater said.

“Red hits you in the face with a pie, trips on a banana peel and falls into a leaf shredder,” he said.

“Black? Black will do anything to make you laugh,” Rosewater said, looking threatening.

Comments

3 Responses to “Mark Rosewater Fixes Magic Lampoon By Assigning Jokes To Color Pie”

  1. Aziraphale on November 1st, 2007 6:18 pm

    :lol:

  2. Cheesepie on November 1st, 2007 8:26 pm

    :rofl:

  3. may contain peanuts on November 1st, 2007 9:49 pm

    the last paragraph makes the article

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