Scientists Warn Of Global Darkening

Posted on October 17, 2007
Filed Under Articles, Photochops, Flashbacks, May Contain Peanuts |

 The effects of global darkening can be seen by comparing an island one year ago, left, with an island from the present day.

Originally ran Oct. 6, 2006

Recent light trends have lent more evidence to the theory of global darkening, a theory that suggests that the spectral lightcaps are eroding, which could cause the end of civilization as we know it.

“People think that global darkening happens over a long period of time, but the process is much faster than one might imagine,” said senior lightologist Tina Gaffney. “For example, take a look at the light readings on this Ravnica island, then compare that to the readings from this Time Spiral island,” she said.

“I mean Time Spiral swamp. Or actually, wait, no — I think it might be a forest?” she said.

The results of global darkening could be devastating, Gaffney explained. “If darkening
continues at the current projected level, darkness levels could reach lows very similar to in ‘The Matrix.’ Did you ever see that flick? Did you see the part where that one dude totally kicks that other dude in the face? That was awesome,” she said.

Not all scientists are convinced of the risks of global darkening, however.

“Spectral fluctuations such as this are not unprecedented. We had a very similar situation back in 1994,” said Alternate Timeline Tina Gaffney.

“Personally, I am not worried. Usually what happens is a young but determined hero arises to save the world from eternal darkness, who is oftentimes accompanied by a group of friends who are all with him,” she said.

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