Terrorist Threatens Creatures, Faces

Posted on September 27, 2007
Filed Under Articles, May Contain Peanuts |

By May Contain Peanuts

RENTON, Wash. — In tapes released Thursday, a leader of a terrorist organization declares that America’s creatures and faces are not safe.

Claiming to be the “king” of terrorist organization “Your Mom,” the individual on the tape threatens to use the organization’s burn deck to attack America, America’s creatures and the faces of Americans.

The video goes on to say that the Your Mom organization has obtained a Two-Player Tenth Edition Starter and “made it [its] own,” suggesting that the threats to creatures and faces may include burn spells such as Spitting Earth and Soulblast.

“We do not just play Magic, we own it. Are you scared? We have burn,” the terrorists said.

Terror experts believe they’ve identified a person on the tape. 

“The man on the tape has been identified as known terrorist Peppermint Von Corduroy III,” said Counter-Terrorism Unit spokeswoman Tina Gaffney.

“He is an extremely dangerous supergenius who is said to know everything, which is why he gets to act like he does.”

Officials searched the last known residence of Von Corduroy but found nothing.

“We thought we might find him there hanging out with his friends, but it turns out that he does not hang out with his friends at his house,” Gaffney said.

In response to the threatening tape, the terror alert level has been raised to red and all probable terrorism targets have been enchanted with Red Ward, Gaffney said.

Comments

2 Responses to “Terrorist Threatens Creatures, Faces”

  1. Old_School_Overlord on September 28th, 2007 5:50 am

    This is another example of big government waste.

    If the Republicans were in control of Congress, they would have ensured a better deal for the American people by negotiating for the use of stricty better flickering wards with Haliburton Auramancers.

    Instead, the American people are lumbered with unplayable, outdated “Tech” from 1993.

  2. Old_School_Overlord on September 28th, 2007 5:54 am

    This is another example of Democrat “big government” waste.

    If the Republicans controled Congress they would have negotated superior protection from Haliburton Auramancer with the strictly better Flickering Ward.

    Instead the american people are lumbered with obsolete tech from 1993.

    The terrorist threat is constantly changing, sure today Your Mom is burning our face, but will it be a Craw Wurm Dawn tomorrow? The Democrats have left America’s life total dangerously vulnerable.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.