Top 10 Mistakes Wizards Made (And Fixed) In Magic: The Gathering

Posted on May 16, 2012
Filed Under Articles, Not a Joke, Staff | 10 Comments

It’s hard to make a game perfect the first time. Board games have errata. Video games have patches. Sometimes, fighting games have ban lists!

Wizards made some mistakes with Magic over the years, but Wizards also fixed mistakes. Here are our 10 favorite mistakes that Wizards made but fixed.

10. Type 1.5

We’re sure most readers know that Standard is also known as “Type 2,” and that Vintage is also known as “Type 1.” When players wanted a format that was like Type 1, but without the Power Nine, Type 1.5 was born. We call this “Legacy” today.

Except, Type 1.5 wasn’t like Legacy today, exactly. To create Type 1.5, Wizards simply took the banned and restricted list from Type 1, and said, OK, everything banned or restricted in Type 1 is banned in Type 1.5.

Unfortunately, this made for a bad format. Some things were banned in Type 1.5 that shouldn’t have been, while other things were not banned that needed to be. People who wanted to play Type 1.5 explained this to Wizards and begged for something to happen.

Eventually, Wizards said, let’s give Type 1.5 its own unique ban list, and we’ll call it “Legacy.” It’s a much better format now.

9. Mono/poly artifacts and templating

Today, we take putting a tap ability on an artifact for granted. Templating wasn’t so precise when Magic was first invented. Artifacts were divided into mono artifacts and poly artifacts. Oh, right, there were also continuous artifacts.

Er, what?

Obviously, templating has improved a thousandfold since Magic was first designed. Permanents have the same fundamental rules about tapping to do things (or not tapping to do things, as appropriate) whether they’re creatures or artifacts.

8. Power nine

There isn’t a lot we have to say here. Moxen are blatantly too good. They do the same thing as lands, but you can play more than one a turn. Wasn’t it obvious that these were too good? Well, maybe not, because how was Richard Garfield to know that we would love his game beyond his wildest dreams and buy so many cards.

It was thought when Magic was created that each play group might have one or two super-good cards and that was it. Who knew that people would buy entire boxes? That there would be a thriving secondary market for singles? No one will have four Ancestrals, so no worries! But people did have them.

The Power Nine were too good, and there’s not much else to say about it. Not a mistake that’s likely to happen again, huh.

7. Poor set design

Ask anyone what the worst set ever was. You’re going to get “Homelands” as an answer a lot of the time.

You’ll get “Fallen Empires” some of the time, too. This is what you don’t do when you’re designing cards. “I have a cool idea. What if there were a creature that were influenced by the tide? It would grow, and then it would go back to normal, and then it would shrink, and then it would go back to normal. That’s how you simulate that.”

Some things shouldn’t be simulated. It’s a game, not a simulation. Simulation is great if you’re making a wargame that recreates the such-and-such war, and you don’t care whether the sides are imbalanced, because that’s how it really was and wouldn’t it be fun to play the underdog. Magic has to stop simulating when the cards are going to be hilariously bad.

Really, though, all the older sets had a lot of bad cards. Legends is a mess. Look at the legends themselves! A lot of them are atrocious, and they’re what the set is named after. And then on the other hand, you have Moat and Mana Drain. It’s like a dartboard on the wall of somebody’s basement, and there are holes all around it.

Mirage was kind of the turning point. Sets might fluctuate after that, but none of the sets after that are the travesty that was Homelands.

Invasion kicked ass. Ravnica kicked ass. Innistrad is really cool.

We’re been out of those woods for years, thankfully.

6. Refusal to ban Necropotence in Extended

There was once a deck called “Trix” that tore up Extended. Trix’s domination of Extended was almost like no other deck’s domination of anything. Trix was Donate and Illusions of Grandeur, but the engine was Necropotence. Necropotence drew its controller the combo pieces and Force of Will to make it unstoppable. And who cares about the life loss? You play Illusions of Grandeur, you gain 20.

People said, please do something. So Wizards acted. Finally. By banning Dark Ritual.

This didn’t do much, because it turns out that Lake of the Dead is better than people realized.

It was as if Necropotence were thought to be too cool a card to ban. The skullman should have had shades. We can’t say for sure that that’s why the most broken card in the most dominant deck wouldn’t get banned, but that’s sure how it felt. “We can’t ban it, it’s too brilliantly designed.” That’s what it felt like. And yet, people had been stunned when Necropotence had been reprinted in Fifth Edition. Wasn’t it already clear that it was too good?

Eventually, Necropotence was banned. It was like pulling teeth.

This kinda happened just in time for Extended to be totally changed as a format (to “Tempest on,” if you have a good memory) and not include Necropotence anyway.

5. Creature quality

Did you know that at one time, Juggernaut was banned? We’re not making this up. Juggernaut was considered too strong.

Serra Angel was considered too strong to print in Fifth or Sixth Edition! That’s a joke today.

What did six mana get you in green, once upon a time? A 6/4 with no abilities. Laugh, Primeval Titan, laugh.

We don’t need to say much about this. Creatures are better now. This is good, because they’re the most fragile permanents. The game should be about monsters and knights and dragons. Creatures should not be just dumb things for noobs. Creatures should be scary. The opponent should fear them.

4. Highly linear blocks and mechanic starvation

Invasion was a set of gold cards and lots of mana fixers. It was terrific. Masques block and Saga block before it had no gold cards, and extremely poor mana fixing.

Mirrodin was a set with tons of artifacts. It was a lot of fun. Onslaught block before it had very few artifacts.

Onslaught in turn was a set about tribes, including Elves. Odyssey block before it didn’t have Elves.

Onslaught also had cycling. Since cycling was a block mechanic, Mirrodin block after it and Odyssey block before it didn’t have cycling.

The results of this linearity and mechanic starvation were blocks that were very insular. When Standard was Onslaught/Mirrodin, the good decks were Astral Slide, which used almost nothing from Mirrodin; Affinity, which used almost nothing from Onslaught; and Goblin Bidding, which used almost nothing from Mirrodin.

Imagine if Onslaught block had had a ton of artifacts instead of very few. There probably would have been a good Standard deck that used a lot of cards from both Onslaught block and Mirrodin block.

Wizards is a lot better about this now. The blocks are less linear and less insular. Wizards doesn’t starve the game of something before reprinting that something. The next block will be Return to Ravnica, and Wizards didn’t print zero gold cards and zero mana fixers in Innistrad block. Really, every block should have a lot of stuff that works with the next block, instead of almost nothing that does, and we’re a lot closer to that today.

3. Power-level errata

There was a time when Wizards didn’t like to ban cards. An optimist would say that that’s because players don’t like it when cards are banned, but a pessimist would say that Wizards doesn’t like looking stupid. Back when Wizards didn’t like to ban cards, if a card was too good, Wizards would just issue errata changing what it did. Cloud of Faeries had errata saying that it didn’t untap two lands if you didn’t cast it from your hand. It doesn’t say that on the card whatsoever, but that’s what it said in the Oracle. Parallax Wave couldn’t remove itself, even if it were animated. Flash really really didn’t do what it said, with this crazy errata that talked about how if the creature would come into play and so on.

Wizards doesn’t do this anymore with new cards. If they’re too strong, they just get banned. This is good, because cards should do what they say.

It’s also good because it gives Wizards incentive not to print cards that are too strong.

2. Lack of rarity symbols on cards

I didn’t know Verdant Force was a common!

It wasn’t a common. It was a rare. For the first several years of Magic: the Gathering, you couldn’t tell by looking at a card whether it were rare. Expansion symbols didn’t indicate rarity until Exodus.

The cards didn’t have collector numbers, either. In fact, originally, card lists didn’t come from Wizards. You’d get them from a magazine. It was as though Wizards didn’t want you to know how rare the cards were or even what all the cards were.

Now, of course, everything is clear. You know whether a card is rare, you know how many cards are in the set and what number this is, and you even know all the cards in the set. Wizards itself publishes a visual spoiler before each prerelease.

This move lurks in the background now, because we take it for granted. But this is one of the best moves Wizards ever made.

1. White-bordered cards

When Magic first came out, Wizards wanted to reward players who bought the very first cards. The first two runs of cards, “Alpha” and “Beta,” were printed in limited print runs with black borders. Cards were then printed in white borders in an “unlimited” print run. That’s why they call the white-bordered print run “Unlimited.” Of course, it wasn’t literally unlimited. It ended eventually, obviously. But the point was that black borders were a reward.

Unfortunately, the flip side of this coin is that white borders were a punishment.

White-bordered cards are awful, and almost no one likes them. It’s hard to believe looking back on it today that anyone thought people would want core sets that were all reprints and were white-bordered. Every two years, Wizards rolled out an all-reprint set of white-bordered cards, and we were supposed to like it. Eighth Edition was one of the worst things ever. Here, have the same cards you’ve seen before, only now they don’t look as good.

Today, core sets have black borders and a lot of new cards. Thank god. Eventually, we’ll look back on white borders as Magic in its marketing infancy.

Photochop – Disturbing Clone

Posted on May 13, 2012
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 6 Comments

I’m Not Going Out There

Posted on May 13, 2012
Filed Under Articles, Flashbacks, Staff | 12 Comments

By a Soldier card in your hand

Special to The Magic Lampoon

I’m not going out there.

Uh-uh, man, no way.

You go out there.

Did you see what happened to Jenkins, man? A fucking dragon tore his fucking head off, man!

One minute, Jenkins was fucking standing there, man, and then the next minute — he was just fucking meat, man! He was just fucking meat!

Oh holy Christ

I saw the shit that happens out there, man. In play? I saw that shit! I’m not going out there! No! I’m not going! I’m not going, man! No!

Man, Baker, Evans and Whidley were standing out there, man, they were fucking standing out there, in play, and did you see it? Did you fucking see what fucking happened, man? I’ll tell you what fucking happened, man. A ball of fucking light from God fucking disintegrated them, man! A fucking light from fucking God, man!

Oh my god oh my god oh my god, no no no no no no no no no no no

I’m not going out there, man! I’m not going! Fuck that! No! No! I’m not going! You go, man! You go! There are fireballs out there! Fireballs! No! There was an elemental ghost the size of a skyscraper, man! I’m not going! You go out there, man, into play, and it’s straight to the fucking graveyard, man! Straight to the fucking graveyard!

Don’t make me go out there, man! Don’t make me! I don’t care, man, I swear, I will — I will shoot myself right now! I will shoot myself right now, man! Anything’s better than that shit out there, man! I am not going out there! No! I won’t! I won’t go out there, man!

*BANG*

- May 18, 2007

Photochop – Galvanic Myrcat

Posted on May 13, 2012
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 4 Comments

Card Of The Week – Lin Sivvi, Defiant Hero

Posted on May 7, 2012
Filed Under Card of the Week | 2 Comments

This week’s card is Lin Sivvi, Defiant Hero. With Lin Sivvi by your side, you don’t need your hand anymore.

Twitter Account

Posted on May 7, 2012
Filed Under Announcements | 7 Comments

The Magic Lampoon is now on Twitter. You can find us here. Follow us on Twitter and you can see when we have updates.

Let’s Rock

Posted on May 6, 2012
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 9 Comments

Photochop – Geist Snatch

Posted on May 6, 2012
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 3 Comments

Top 10 Squires Of All Time

Posted on May 6, 2012
Filed Under Articles, Flashbacks, Staff | 15 Comments

You might think that Squire is the only Squire. But you would be wrong. Magic has had a long, fine history of Squires, those beneficial little 1/2 creatures, doing their part to help out their controllers on or near the battlefield.

Let’s take a look at the best 10 Squires in Magic.

No. 10: Psychatog

Psychatog might seem like a really bad Squire at first. Not only does he cost one more mana, but he also requires two colors! But Psychatog’s graveyard ability can occasionally be useful. Imagine if the opponent has killed a lot of your creatures. You could activate the Psychatog’s ability a few times! The other ability requires discarding cards and so is more like a drawback.

No. 9: Academy Rector

We know what you’re thinking. Four mana! Are we crazy? It’s true that that’s expensive. But if the Rector gets killed, then you can go get an enchantment that costs at least two mana. It’s like getting back your two mana! Or maybe even three mana! Just don’t forget to put an extra random enchantment in your deck.

No. 8: Atog

Atog is even better than Psychatog because Atog costs less mana and is only one color! Atog’s ability may not seem useful until you remember that every deck plays at least one artifact. That’s because every red deck should play Iron Star — it’s like free lifegain whenever you have too much mana!

No. 7: Spikeshot Goblin

Spikeshot Goblin might seem terrible, especially in a draft. After all, it costs three mana. But the ability to do 1 damage every now and then can actually win you the game. What if the opponent is at 1 life. You could hit the opponent! Once you realize that, then you know why Spikeshot Goblin is actually a really good Squire.

No. 6: Ramosian Lieutenant

Can it be true? He’s just like Squire! That means he’s got to be good. Now, he has a severe drawback — he’s vulnerable to Rebel Informer. OK, so that’s why he’s not precisely a Squire. But consider this: If you put another Rebel in your deck that costs 3, you can search him out! It’s the trick so crazy that it just might work. You should probably try it once.

No. 5: Norwood Ranger

Squire is strictly better, but Norwood Ranger is still pretty good. By the way, you should always say “strictly better” when comparing cards. Someone might tell you that you’re using that phrase incorrectly. Just ignore him and keep doing it!

No. 4: Xira Arien

Now we’re getting into the realm of the truly awesome. Xira Arien draws extra cards. Drawing extra cards is broken. Put four of this card in every one of your red and green and black decks. What enemy deck can deal with those three colors anyway? It’s like you’ve already won the game before you even play her. You can’t lose because of the rest of the deck!

No. 3: Ardent Soldier

Ardent Soldier would be rated a lot higher, but it has a kicker ability that distracts a lot of new players from just going ahead and paying only 2 mana. That’s more like a drawback than an advantage. Still, it’s a Squire those times you remember not to pay the kicker, so that’s awesome.

No. 2: Chimney Imp

Now we’re talking. This is a Squire with a completely devastating ability — so devastating that they had to make it cost 5 mana! That means it’s got to be good. Good players know that the cards that cost more do so for a reason. That was the genius of Richard Garfield’s design, to which this card pays homage.

No. 1: Squire

There’s nothing like the original. Everything else is just an imitation. That’s why everything else isn’t as good — because everything else came second. Also, the real Squire is pumped by Crusade. Lots of other Squires aren’t. The ones that are, the white ones, just aren’t the original Squire, so they’re inferior. That’s because the original is always the best! The original gets our nostalgia vote, too. Reprinting Squire is like a victory for nostalgia, and also a victory for the original things being the most awesome!

- May 4, 2007

Photochop – Blightsteel Ingot

Posted on May 6, 2012
Filed Under Photochops, Staff | 3 Comments

Card Of The Week – Rocket Launcher

Posted on May 6, 2012
Filed Under Card of the Week | 3 Comments

This week’s card is Rocket Launcher. A simpler weapon, from a simpler time.

Facebook Page

Posted on May 4, 2012
Filed Under Announcements | 17 Comments

The Magic Lampoon has a Facebook page. It’s located here. If you’re on Facebook, by “liking” the Magic Lampoon’s Facebook page, you’ll see on Facebook when we have a new post.

Avacyn Returns, Brings Dice

Posted on May 3, 2012
Filed Under Articles, Photochops, Staff | 7 Comments

GAVONY — Legendary protector angel Avacyn returned to Gavony late Thursday evening from the Helvault, bringing with her what she described as “enough dice to end this conflict once and for all.”

Avacyn, who had been missing from Innistrad for some time, had remained within the Helvault battling the demon Griselbrand and gathering dice for her return, she said.

“There are enough dice for everyone!” Avacyn told reporters.

Many people in Gavony weren’t sure Thursday what they were supposed to do with the dice.

“Each of you! Take one of the dice and set it in front of yourself with my symbol facing upright!” Avacyn said in a news conference.

“When the werewolves, vampires, zombies and ghosts attack, as you become injured, decrement the dice to keep track of how injured you are!” she said.

Avacyn then ended the news conference to go distribute dice to another town.